(1) After the next mass shooting, the National Rifle Association will come out from behind its headquarters near Dulles Airport and make a statement about why it took place, offer a solution (or two), explain their mantra about not enforcing existing laws and then take questions.
(2) Republicans running for president (and for that matter, not running for president) will stop making promises about the first thing they’ll do if they get to the White House is abolish (or if a member of Congress, defund) the Affordable Care Act. Instead, they’ll offer suggestions about what parts to keep and what parts to change.
NOTE: Cross out #2 because Speaker Ryan just released a statement saying Congress will send a repeal of “Obamacare” on January 4 2016 when they return to Washington. They’re also going to defund Planned Parenthood. Anyone ever see the movie “Groundhog Day”?
(3) Donald Trump will say “I’m sorry.” In fact Donald Trump will say the hell with it and get a talk show on Fox News.
(4) Congress will vote on a surtax to pay for every war so that we all have a dog in the fight.
(5) The Jerry Springer Show will be required viewing by anyone under age 25 applying for a marriage license followed by a discussion with a church or neighborhood leader about maturity.
(6) Taking from #5, tattoos will no longer be cool.